“Pretend I’m Not Here”

use this 4

use this 6use this 5use this 3(Outfit details- Jumper: Decjuba, Jeans: Pea In A Pod Maternity, Boots: (Old) Similar style here, Clutch: Louis Vuitton, Watch: Michael Kors)

I am thinking CONSTANTLY. I’ve been an over thinker all my life but since becoming a mum and especially a SAHM, I find one of the most exhausting things is all the thinking. It’s the; what will I give you for Breakfast? Lunch? Snacks? Dinner? Questions. The, are you tired? Teething? Bored? What can we play with? Are you stimulated enough? Watching too much TV? It’s exhausting. And then, when daddy comes home he’s all about the, what’s to eat? What time do we have to be there? Where are my socks? Etc. etc. It’s like I have to be switched on at all times and across everything 24/7.

This has become especially tiresome now at 27 weeks pregnant, when it literally feels as though my brain has left my body. The thinking and remembering and list making and double-checking and then second-guessing is really getting too much.

So, yesterday I said to my husband, ‘please just pretend that I’m not here. You sort out the baby and yourself, don’t ask me any questions, just figure it out’. Being the angel that he is, he agreed and sent me off to get my hair blow-dried and to go shopping. Some of the reason being that, he knew I needed some new clothes that fit but mainly, I think because it was actually easier for him to pretend that I wasn’t there when in fact I actually wasn’t!

I had a surprise 30th birthday dinner to go to that night so I was grateful for the opportunity to go and buy some new jeans (that actually fit) and just decompress from a week of being a single parent before going out for the evening. Now the reality is, I still ended up making and feeding dinner to the baby, making dinner for my husband and rushing to get myself ready and dressed before hurriedly reading Hazelle a bedtime story and running out the door. So not exactly a complete break, BUT I felt so much calmer all day, like, just by acknowledging I didn’t want to make decisions, I was able to unconsciously accomplish all the necessary tasks and not try to be superwomen going above and beyond. The lesson I learnt is that the “pressure” I feel to be across everything, to have every box ticked and every question answered is all self inflicted. Yes, there are many, many questions that need to be answered every minute of every day as a mum but the worry and stress that is often accompanied with them doesn’t have to be. So my advice? Pretend like ‘your not here’, and watch how you still manage to get everything done stress free. Oh and if that fails? Go and buy yourself some new jeans 😉

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