When one becomes two

hazelle first born

(Flashback to 2014 when Hazelle was just hours old)

I’m not sure whether to chalk it up to the pregnancy hormones or if it’s just the fear of the unknown creeping in, but the reality of becoming a mother of 2 is suddenly hitting hard and I’m a little bit afraid. Not afraid of what it will mean for me, my sleep, my life, my sanity etc because lets be honest, we all know those thing will be non existent for the first couple of months. No, I’m afraid of how my baby girl will transition from being the ‘baby’ into the ‘big girl’. It’s quite funny because the running joke of my whole pregnancy so far has been about poor baby number two getting short-changed on the attention front. Everything about this pregnancy is different compared to Hazelle’s. She was ‘planned’ and he wasn’t. I received private health care and delivered in a private hospital with Hazelle, this time around we are going through the public system. Every movement, milestone, weekly update was studied, documented and discussed with her, this time around, I feel like I’ve blinked and I’m in my third trimester. Everyone tells me that this is completely normal and natural and that it will only intensify with any further pregnancies if we go down this path again. My husbands favourite joke is that he’s glad this ones a boy so he doesn’t feel bad about the lack of attention – you know, tough love and all ;). But last night the reality hit me, for 13 months (16 by the time the babe is born) my first baby, Hazelle, has only ever known my undivided attention. I’ve been a Stay at Home mum for 95% of this time and when I briefly went back to work she was either with my husband or my mum. It breaks my heart to think that I wont be able to give her the same amount of my time and energy when the baby comes and that given she will still be so young, I wont be able to reason and explain this change to her. Again, I know that all of this is a natural progression and that because she is so young, she (hopefully) will adapt quickly and won’t remember a time without her baby brother being around, but that doesn’t stop the mummy guilt already creeping in. Any mama’s out there with some tips on surviving this transition? I’d love to hear from you. In the meantime I’ll just keep my fingers crossed that I have a very easy newborn that just sleeps and eats and allows us to ease into this new phase of our life slowly. A girl can dream right? 😉 x

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